I tackle a free-to-play destruction derby game with only five minutes of play under my belt and an open mind.
Turbo Dismount scratches that itch for varied gameplay and true-to-life physics. This game will have you sending a vehicle hurtling over what appear to be intentionally-designed ramps and apparently racking up points for how randomly your car falls and hurts your driver. The blocky models and suggestive positions you can put your drivers in will more than likely have you enjoying yourself slightly more often than scratching your head.
0:00 >> Yes! Remember that time you forgot what every song from the seventies sounded like? Well now you’ll never forget cause this game has it going on repeat 24/7. Already winning me over.
0:30 >> Okay, I’m in. What do I do? Oh cool, there’s a golf swing meter thing in the bottom right. It says “Dismount”. Wait, I want my guy to get out of my car? But it’s not even moving yet! Um. Let’s just try it. Wait, I can’t see how far up the meter is when I let go because my thumb covers it! That’s okay though, I like the mystery of not knowing what my inputs are doing.
1:00 >> So I guess the point of this game is to go off what look like ramps in order to…crash? Is THAT what “Dismount” means? Could be! Who cares! I’m already hooked by how real it feels when my car careens towards the ramp at 5 km/h and then somehow instantly flips sideways. Could be windy, right? Now THAT’S realism!
2:00 >> Holy crap, there’s tons of options that I missed! Let’s see…change driver? Got this sweet female crash test dummy now. Change positions? Okay, mhm, alright…omigod. What is this game rated? Doesn’t matter, I’m old enough to handle this, and handle it I will! And it’s only a couple bucks to unlock even more tracks? I wonder if these new tracks, like the seven included tracks, will only play one of the two default seventies tracks? Or maybe they’ll be like that one random track that has no music? Can’t wait to start pumping cash into this thing!
3:00 >> Cool, this thing lets you add obstacles at different points along the track? Let’s try that out: minefield? Neat, it blew my car off the side of the track and gave me almost no points. Probably just an extra feature to make the game feel fleshed-out. WHICH IT DOES. I love this game!
4:00 >> You can even change the steering on these bad boys before you take off. Just goes to show that the developers were really thinking of the end user’s feeling of control and immersion when they were designing this gem. Sure, there might only be three steering options (literally: go left, go right, go straight), but I’ll be damned if I didn’t have to consider which option to pick every time I lined up for another shot at beating my high score. I’m already number 506890 out of everyone in the WORLD. Don’t worry, if you put enough time in, you’ll get there too eventually.
5:00 >> Busted up a few cars, dangled a few human analogues off the back of a mail delivery truck, and thoroughly enjoyed watching some floaty physics slightly dent my vehicles as they went aimlessly drifting off some ramps, seventies style. Definitely coming back for more.
Verdict: 12 out of 10
Everyone knows that crashing cars is fun, no matter how fast or furious or not the actual crashing is. In fact, it doesn’t even matter if the car actually breaks, so long as it looks like it would probably have shattered to pieces in real life. If you’re feeling like some heavy-hitting demolition derby action, check out Turbo Dismount and be prepared to be blown away by its relentless dedication to being both dreary and suggestive at the same time.
Flipped Stomach is Mikael Raheem. He writes a lot of stuff, from fiction to game reviews to feature articles to bathroom stall phone numbers. You can find more of his work at flippedstomach.com or follow him on twitter: @flippedstomach.